Wow, I have not posted anything to my blog in quite some time. I really haven't felt like it, obviously, but today it was my turn to be on overload, so I decided a blog post might do me some good.
Summer was hectic and crazy busy and, as usual, went by way too fast. We dealt with new issues this year called Thunderstorms. Sydney freaks when she hears thunder and has to put on her ear muffs to help calm herself, which doesn't always work. She did, however, gain a lot of confidence in riding in the boat, so with the bad comes the good.
First grade started out well with only a few tears coming from Syd, and less tears for Mom as well. Syd's done well these first few weeks with no complaints and is even going to the boys and girls club every day after school. I thought we would see a lot more meltdowns in the evenings because of this, but that has not been the case. These are all good things!
Then came the e-mail this morning from Sydney's teacher. The e-mail stated, in a nutshell, that Sydney did not do very good on some assessment tests, and it qualified her for Title I.
I had to read the e-mail again, because I thought I must have read it wrong. I was not prepared to see this--her kindergarten teacher told me last year that Sydney was among the top students in her class, so it took me by surprise. I had to read the e-mail a second time and hold back the tears since I was working in our conference room on a project with other staff.
The teacher told me to call her this afternoon so we could discuss. She said she had spoken to Sydney's kindergarten teacher who did not think that Sydney needed the help. She said that Sydney was not a good test taker and that's probably all it was.
All morning, I struggled to concentrate. My mind went from concern that Syd's sensory issues and sensory seeking might be mis-construed as her having ADD or ADHD, to me thinking about the fact that I had noticed how Syd digressed over the summer. I pushed that thought aside, as every child digresses over the summer. That's typical. But for some reason I don't recall Morgan digressing that much...Syd could no longer read sight words like she could last year. She has started to write her letters backwards and mix up the letters in words that she does know. I was so distracted that I ran a red light at lunchtime.
I called the teacher @ the time she specified, and she was very positive about everything. On one of the assessments, Sydney scored a 22, and the miniumum score she needed was a 40. So, I decided this could be a good thing. I told her teacher that Sydney wants to learn to read so badly. Ever since she saw the movie "Matilda", that's all she wants to do is read, but she gets frustrated easily. So, our hope is that Sydney will like going to this group and that it will give her a leg up on learning to read. That is how we are going to approach this with Sydney.
We then discussed in more detail some of Syd's sensory issues and what she does at her OT sessions. I described to her teacher how Syd's least favorite part of OT is when Miss Melissa makes her do activities such as coloring or writing to help her work on her fine motor skills. Her teacher had no idea that Syd did not enjoy those kinds of things, but did notice that Syd struggles with scissors. Yep--that's part of it too....
I guess to sum it up, I have always noticed how far my little girl has come over the last year, and I try to push the negative stuff to the back of my mind when I do notice them...not that I'm in denial--just maybe being a 'Pollyanna' because that's what I do. It's MY coping mechanism. Syd has her ear muffs for thunderstorms and boat rides, and I have that broom in my head that sweeps things away when I am not ready to deal. Today those 'things' came rushing back to the forefront, and I had no choice but to deal. The good news is that it's not bad news, just something I had not prepared myself for. Sydney has great people at the school looking out for her, and for that she is blessed. She is fine, and she will be fine, and she will continue to grow and make me laugh with her great sense of humor and comedy. For that I am blessed.
Oh, and one more thing....Syd slept through that horrible thunderstorm last night. Hallelujiah.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Link
I am posting this link in the hopes that anybody who reads my blog that isn't on Facebook will see this and maybe take some action...this is a link to my sister's blog regarding the annual Conference on Autism held at MSU-Billings. This conference has lost its biggest sponsor and needs donors. If you are in a position where you are able to help, please know that you will have made a difference in the lives of children with autism.
http://jaredsjourney.blogspot.com/2010/03/post-with-purpose.html
http://jaredsjourney.blogspot.com/2010/03/post-with-purpose.html
Saturday, February 27, 2010
One Year
As Sydney and I were coming home from picking up her cake and balloons for her birthday party today, I noticed the RV and Boat show was going on at Metrapark. Then it hit me. Last year, when we went to the show, was the exact moment I realized something was not 'right' with my child. It was right there in front of me, and there was no denying it anymore.
Last year when I was going into the building with Morgan and Sydney while Kory was parking the truck, Sydney saw the four-wheelers, motorcycles and boats, she screamed, turned around, and took off out the doors. I had never seen her act this way before, and I was so thankful we were not near a street, because she would have been hit by a car. At the time, I knew something was wrong, but I did not know what it was. That's when my sister suggested I speak to Syd's doctor, and that's when the doctor told me to read a book about Sensory Processing Disorder. I still have that book, sitting in our living room with what looks like hundreds of red post-it flags on the pages where there was something that reminded me of Syd.
We are going to the RV and Boat show tomorrow, and I am going to be more 'aware' of how Syd reacts this year, after nearly one year of OT and nearly one year of me realizing some of the behaviors we probably made worse. On the flip side, one year of seeing great improvements in Sydney, that still amaze me when I allow myself to stop and think about it. Some of the accomplishments include Syd going to kindergarten and being successful not only academically but socially, Syd learning to read, Syd doing a pullover at gymnastics,Syd vacuuming and Syd getting into the big blow-up bouncy castle at gymnastics. This summer will be more telling to see how she handles the boat. We still have the socks issue to work on, but I have let that go for now.
Happy Birthday my Sydney. I am blessed to have you for my child. I learn from you every day.
Last year when I was going into the building with Morgan and Sydney while Kory was parking the truck, Sydney saw the four-wheelers, motorcycles and boats, she screamed, turned around, and took off out the doors. I had never seen her act this way before, and I was so thankful we were not near a street, because she would have been hit by a car. At the time, I knew something was wrong, but I did not know what it was. That's when my sister suggested I speak to Syd's doctor, and that's when the doctor told me to read a book about Sensory Processing Disorder. I still have that book, sitting in our living room with what looks like hundreds of red post-it flags on the pages where there was something that reminded me of Syd.
We are going to the RV and Boat show tomorrow, and I am going to be more 'aware' of how Syd reacts this year, after nearly one year of OT and nearly one year of me realizing some of the behaviors we probably made worse. On the flip side, one year of seeing great improvements in Sydney, that still amaze me when I allow myself to stop and think about it. Some of the accomplishments include Syd going to kindergarten and being successful not only academically but socially, Syd learning to read, Syd doing a pullover at gymnastics,Syd vacuuming and Syd getting into the big blow-up bouncy castle at gymnastics. This summer will be more telling to see how she handles the boat. We still have the socks issue to work on, but I have let that go for now.
Happy Birthday my Sydney. I am blessed to have you for my child. I learn from you every day.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
A Pleasant Surprise
While I was sitting around Friday night doing a whole lot of nothing, I realized we were having a pretty calm/quiet night considering. It was the Friday of Sydney's first Valentine's day party at school. Some people might think that's a normal thing, having a calm and quiet night with your family, but I remember thinking earlier that day as I left for work that we were in for a roller-coaster ride that night. Sydney was up bright and early and soooo excited to go to school. We had to make cupcakes on Thursday night for her party, and she just could not wait for her party to start and to open her Valentines. Usually when Sydney is so overly excited and anxious for something like this (birthday party, Christmas) we get overrun with meltdowns. Plus, on Fridays she goes to club, and I knew they were going to have some big activities there after school, so I braced myself for the evening. I even stopped and had a beer with some friends on my way home from work, as I knew Kory was getting the girls, and they wanted him to be later than usual so they didn't miss out on the fun.
When I got home, I had completely forgotten about my concerns. We had dinner, and the night went on as they usually do. Then I realized it. Sydney was having a great night! She did not have any meltdowns, she was not in 'sensory seeking' mode, she just was having a good night and hanging out with her family. I stopped and just sat and watched her for a few moments, thankful for how far she has come in less than a year.
When I got home, I had completely forgotten about my concerns. We had dinner, and the night went on as they usually do. Then I realized it. Sydney was having a great night! She did not have any meltdowns, she was not in 'sensory seeking' mode, she just was having a good night and hanging out with her family. I stopped and just sat and watched her for a few moments, thankful for how far she has come in less than a year.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Setting an Example
I picked Morgan up this morning from her friend's house where she attended a birthday party/sleepover. She was busy telling me about all the fun things they did, and I listened happily, glad that she still tells me all of this, and hoping that Sydney will be able to do this some day. I haven't spent a lot of alone time with Morgan for quite a while, so I asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me and run some errands. She said yes, so off we went.
After stopping at a few places, we ended up at Target, and I remembered that the kids' Valentine's Day parties are next week, so I said we better go pick out some Valentine's for them to take to school. Of course the aisle with the kids' valentine's was really busy. As I tried to maneuver into the aisle, a girl, probably high school age, said something to me. I said what, and she said she was looking for pencils from toy story with Woody and Buzz, and I said I didn't know where those were. We went up the aisle with the valentine's, and the girl kept talking to me even though I had moved on. At that point I could tell that she was mentally disabled, and I could also feel the tension in the aisle from the other people/families not knowing what to do. Nobody would talk to her, and it broke my heart. While Morgan was looking at the cards, I decided that the best thing for me to do was to talk to this girl and show Morgan it was okay. It was amazing--like the minute I engaged in conversation with her, the tension in the aisle disappeared, like everybody thought "Oh phew she's talking to that lady so I don't have to talk to her." Sad.
The girl said she wanted to get something that said "Love Mom & Dad" and she pointed at the cards, so I showed her a few valentines that were for mom's and dad's and she asked me to read them to her. Then she said her dad really liked pictures and wanted me to show her some other valentine's with pictures on them. Then she told me about Special Olympics and how she was selling raffle tickets for a truck. So sweet. I kept wondering who brought her to the store and where were they? Pretty soon somebody was calling her name, and it was her mom looking for her. She yelled at the girl and said pick something out and let's go. They were yelling back and forth. I felt bad for her and was quick to judge the mom, and then I thought how hard their life must be raising a special needs child, and how patience probably wears thin pretty easily when in situations such as this. The girl left with the mom, and Morgan and I finished up our shopping.
What amazes me about this 'encounter' is that Morgan didn't even seem phased by it. She didn't ask me any questions about what was wrong with the girl, she didn't make fun of her, she just continued shopping and being with me. I thought maybe once we got to the truck she would ask me some questions, but that didn't happen either. I can't even describe how happily surprised I am by that. My hope is that Morgan is always like that.
I then remembered how Morgan told me the other day that she and a classmate of hers got to 'play' with Shay during school. Shay is a special needs child in Morgan's class, although she is not in their classroom much as she spends most of her time in special ed. But, the cool thing is that the school has the other children in her class take turns helping Shay during therapy and playing with her. I think that has taught them patience and understanding, and is the best thing the school can do for both the typical kids and non-typical kids. Morgan really likes it when she gets the chance to play with Shay.
After thinking about this, my 'setting an example' today was probably not that big of a deal to Morgan as she sets this kind of an example a lot at school. Maybe I need to watch my daughter and learn from her as well.
After stopping at a few places, we ended up at Target, and I remembered that the kids' Valentine's Day parties are next week, so I said we better go pick out some Valentine's for them to take to school. Of course the aisle with the kids' valentine's was really busy. As I tried to maneuver into the aisle, a girl, probably high school age, said something to me. I said what, and she said she was looking for pencils from toy story with Woody and Buzz, and I said I didn't know where those were. We went up the aisle with the valentine's, and the girl kept talking to me even though I had moved on. At that point I could tell that she was mentally disabled, and I could also feel the tension in the aisle from the other people/families not knowing what to do. Nobody would talk to her, and it broke my heart. While Morgan was looking at the cards, I decided that the best thing for me to do was to talk to this girl and show Morgan it was okay. It was amazing--like the minute I engaged in conversation with her, the tension in the aisle disappeared, like everybody thought "Oh phew she's talking to that lady so I don't have to talk to her." Sad.
The girl said she wanted to get something that said "Love Mom & Dad" and she pointed at the cards, so I showed her a few valentines that were for mom's and dad's and she asked me to read them to her. Then she said her dad really liked pictures and wanted me to show her some other valentine's with pictures on them. Then she told me about Special Olympics and how she was selling raffle tickets for a truck. So sweet. I kept wondering who brought her to the store and where were they? Pretty soon somebody was calling her name, and it was her mom looking for her. She yelled at the girl and said pick something out and let's go. They were yelling back and forth. I felt bad for her and was quick to judge the mom, and then I thought how hard their life must be raising a special needs child, and how patience probably wears thin pretty easily when in situations such as this. The girl left with the mom, and Morgan and I finished up our shopping.
What amazes me about this 'encounter' is that Morgan didn't even seem phased by it. She didn't ask me any questions about what was wrong with the girl, she didn't make fun of her, she just continued shopping and being with me. I thought maybe once we got to the truck she would ask me some questions, but that didn't happen either. I can't even describe how happily surprised I am by that. My hope is that Morgan is always like that.
I then remembered how Morgan told me the other day that she and a classmate of hers got to 'play' with Shay during school. Shay is a special needs child in Morgan's class, although she is not in their classroom much as she spends most of her time in special ed. But, the cool thing is that the school has the other children in her class take turns helping Shay during therapy and playing with her. I think that has taught them patience and understanding, and is the best thing the school can do for both the typical kids and non-typical kids. Morgan really likes it when she gets the chance to play with Shay.
After thinking about this, my 'setting an example' today was probably not that big of a deal to Morgan as she sets this kind of an example a lot at school. Maybe I need to watch my daughter and learn from her as well.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
This Change Sucks
Change is necessary. I know that.
I attended a meeting tonight at the day care next door to us. The new owner of the day care was there to introduce herself and discuss the changes she is making to the day care. This change sucks.
Morgan started at this day care when she was 3, and Sydney has gone there since she was a baby. All the wonderful people at the day care have played a huge role in helping to shape my children--especially Kim, the owner, and Callie & Kim who both taught preschool. I can tell you that my children are so much better off for having gone to this day care than had I been a stay-at-home mom. They are both shy children, and I think they have benefited so much socially from going to this day care. Plus, I hear often at the school how the children who have attended this day care have such a great foundation and are often farther ahead than a lot of the other children.
We found out today that the day care will be adding babies as soon as they are licensed/approved (no this will not affect me--I am done having babies!!). We also found out that at the end of the school year, they will not be taking school kids. That sucks. You see, this day care was my safety net for Sydney. Well, it was her safety net too. She felt she could handle Boys & Girls club once a week, but I'm already preparing her for going every day next year. I knew the day care would always be there for us. Kim and Callie and all the gals truly love my children--they love all the children there. And I knew if I needed them this summer, they would be there. That's not going to be the case anymore.
I hope these special ladies know how much I appreciate everything they've done not only for my girls but for my peace of mind. I also hope they know what a positive impact they have had on the children that have attended this day care, and I hope they never forget that!!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I attended a meeting tonight at the day care next door to us. The new owner of the day care was there to introduce herself and discuss the changes she is making to the day care. This change sucks.
Morgan started at this day care when she was 3, and Sydney has gone there since she was a baby. All the wonderful people at the day care have played a huge role in helping to shape my children--especially Kim, the owner, and Callie & Kim who both taught preschool. I can tell you that my children are so much better off for having gone to this day care than had I been a stay-at-home mom. They are both shy children, and I think they have benefited so much socially from going to this day care. Plus, I hear often at the school how the children who have attended this day care have such a great foundation and are often farther ahead than a lot of the other children.
We found out today that the day care will be adding babies as soon as they are licensed/approved (no this will not affect me--I am done having babies!!). We also found out that at the end of the school year, they will not be taking school kids. That sucks. You see, this day care was my safety net for Sydney. Well, it was her safety net too. She felt she could handle Boys & Girls club once a week, but I'm already preparing her for going every day next year. I knew the day care would always be there for us. Kim and Callie and all the gals truly love my children--they love all the children there. And I knew if I needed them this summer, they would be there. That's not going to be the case anymore.
I hope these special ladies know how much I appreciate everything they've done not only for my girls but for my peace of mind. I also hope they know what a positive impact they have had on the children that have attended this day care, and I hope they never forget that!!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The Golden Tooth
Sydney had her dentist appointment today. Lucky for me, Kory said he would take her. Wait a minute--I'll start from the beginning.
The 23rd of December Sydney was complaining about her tooth hurting. Once I got her to let me look in her mouth, I noticed she had a pretty big cavity in one of her baby molars. Crap. The one and only time she's been to the dentist, she wouldn't even let them count her teeth. We have been putting off taking her to the dentist because of the screaming and crying she did at her first visit. Well, this is the result of our procrastinating--a cavity--a BAD cavity. I got in touch with my friend to see what dentist she takes her son to. We got Sydney in to see the dentist the following Monday. Gulp.
I picked Syd up and brought her to the dentist office where Kory was going to take her in. As we were waiting in the car, I noticed tears rolling down Syd's face. I hugged her--I knew she was worried the whole drive in because she hardly said a word. Poor thing--I can't even imagine what's going through her little 'unsorted' brain at this point. She literally cannot process this kind of thing. One thing I have read about kids with Sensory Processing Disorder is that the dentist freaks them out--there is no processing that. Kory drove up, and Sydney said she wanted me to come in with them. Another gulp.
She was crying as we got out of the car and walked into the building. She cried even harder when we got in the building. I kept telling myself to keep it together. The gal gave me the paperwork and I tried to concentrate on filling it all out and not pay attention to my stressed out child.
They called Sydney back, and she was crying again. Kory went back with her. Pretty soon, they had her in the chair, and I could hear her screaming, "No No!" That's it. The tears are now streaming down my face. So I finished filling out the paperwork, and I left. What a great mom huh? Not.
They could not take x-rays that day. They were able to count her teeth, but that was it. They set up the appointment to do a partial root canal and fill the tooth. Even though it's a baby tooth, it will be a few years before she loses it, so if they just pulled it, the other teeth would move and there would not be room for the permanent tooth. They said that the day of the appointment they would give her a kool-aid cocktail (sedative), let it take effect, and then give her laughing gas. Okay--I think she'll be okay. That's what I told myself. I knew it wouldn't be okay.
Kory took Sydney in today for her appointment. He thought the sedative was working--she was getting sleepy. Then when they took her back, her braveness disappeared. They gave her gas but they could not get her to calm down. They ended up coming out and asking Kory for permission to hold her down, otherwise she would have to go to a surgery center at another time, so he said hold her down. He said he could hear her screaming and crying. He was sending me up-to-the minute text messages telling me what was going on. Pretty soon I had to ask him to stop--I had to shut my office door--I was in tears. Thank goodness I didn't have to be there. I would have been a mess.
When I got home after work tonight, the first thing Sydney said to me was, "Hey Mom! Look at my golden tooth!!" She proudly showed it to me, and she said she can't wait to show it to her friends on Monday. Wow--what a trooper. Must not have been so bad.
This was harder on me than her, that's for sure. She was more brave than me.
My hope with days like these is that Syd will look back on them and get some confidence that even though there will be difficult and scary things in life, she will live through them and be just fine. I hope she remembers that.
The 23rd of December Sydney was complaining about her tooth hurting. Once I got her to let me look in her mouth, I noticed she had a pretty big cavity in one of her baby molars. Crap. The one and only time she's been to the dentist, she wouldn't even let them count her teeth. We have been putting off taking her to the dentist because of the screaming and crying she did at her first visit. Well, this is the result of our procrastinating--a cavity--a BAD cavity. I got in touch with my friend to see what dentist she takes her son to. We got Sydney in to see the dentist the following Monday. Gulp.
I picked Syd up and brought her to the dentist office where Kory was going to take her in. As we were waiting in the car, I noticed tears rolling down Syd's face. I hugged her--I knew she was worried the whole drive in because she hardly said a word. Poor thing--I can't even imagine what's going through her little 'unsorted' brain at this point. She literally cannot process this kind of thing. One thing I have read about kids with Sensory Processing Disorder is that the dentist freaks them out--there is no processing that. Kory drove up, and Sydney said she wanted me to come in with them. Another gulp.
She was crying as we got out of the car and walked into the building. She cried even harder when we got in the building. I kept telling myself to keep it together. The gal gave me the paperwork and I tried to concentrate on filling it all out and not pay attention to my stressed out child.
They called Sydney back, and she was crying again. Kory went back with her. Pretty soon, they had her in the chair, and I could hear her screaming, "No No!" That's it. The tears are now streaming down my face. So I finished filling out the paperwork, and I left. What a great mom huh? Not.
They could not take x-rays that day. They were able to count her teeth, but that was it. They set up the appointment to do a partial root canal and fill the tooth. Even though it's a baby tooth, it will be a few years before she loses it, so if they just pulled it, the other teeth would move and there would not be room for the permanent tooth. They said that the day of the appointment they would give her a kool-aid cocktail (sedative), let it take effect, and then give her laughing gas. Okay--I think she'll be okay. That's what I told myself. I knew it wouldn't be okay.
Kory took Sydney in today for her appointment. He thought the sedative was working--she was getting sleepy. Then when they took her back, her braveness disappeared. They gave her gas but they could not get her to calm down. They ended up coming out and asking Kory for permission to hold her down, otherwise she would have to go to a surgery center at another time, so he said hold her down. He said he could hear her screaming and crying. He was sending me up-to-the minute text messages telling me what was going on. Pretty soon I had to ask him to stop--I had to shut my office door--I was in tears. Thank goodness I didn't have to be there. I would have been a mess.
When I got home after work tonight, the first thing Sydney said to me was, "Hey Mom! Look at my golden tooth!!" She proudly showed it to me, and she said she can't wait to show it to her friends on Monday. Wow--what a trooper. Must not have been so bad.
This was harder on me than her, that's for sure. She was more brave than me.
My hope with days like these is that Syd will look back on them and get some confidence that even though there will be difficult and scary things in life, she will live through them and be just fine. I hope she remembers that.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
It's Been Too Long!
Wow it has been way too long since I've posted on my blog. I went back and read some of my older posts--some are kinda corny I was thinking to myself, but oh well they are out there.
Kory and I were talking about Syd's progress with her sensory issues. Amazingly enough, and kinda surprising to me, she is making progress. She is better prepared and more in control when it comes to loud noises. She does not seem to have as much anxiety as she used to. I attribute this not only to OT, but to her successes in kindergarten--especially thanks to her wonderful teacher. We have a lot less meltdowns than we used to. It is amazing to me. Kory said when he took her to OT the other day, there was a construction crew working in the entryway to clean up some flooding. It didn't even phase her. Even her OT aide Melissa noticed that Sydney was not distracted or upset by all the noise. Yay!!
I think what is the most sad about this is that I really have not allowed myself to notice all of this. I really had no idea how long Sydney would need to have OT and how long before we noticed any positive effects from it. I have been so entrenched in the every day happenings of our lives and working with Sydney that I did not celebrate our progress. Instead I have focused on things such as the fact that she still refuses to wear socks, or that she still won't go over the bar at gymnastics, etc.
Today I allowed myself to feel a little bit of joy about her progress.
I understand on some small scale what my sister is talking about when she speaks of her son. Forge ahead, don't forget what needs to be done, and above all focus and get your act together to help your child! (This is what I say to myself on a daily basis!)
Kory and I were talking about Syd's progress with her sensory issues. Amazingly enough, and kinda surprising to me, she is making progress. She is better prepared and more in control when it comes to loud noises. She does not seem to have as much anxiety as she used to. I attribute this not only to OT, but to her successes in kindergarten--especially thanks to her wonderful teacher. We have a lot less meltdowns than we used to. It is amazing to me. Kory said when he took her to OT the other day, there was a construction crew working in the entryway to clean up some flooding. It didn't even phase her. Even her OT aide Melissa noticed that Sydney was not distracted or upset by all the noise. Yay!!
I think what is the most sad about this is that I really have not allowed myself to notice all of this. I really had no idea how long Sydney would need to have OT and how long before we noticed any positive effects from it. I have been so entrenched in the every day happenings of our lives and working with Sydney that I did not celebrate our progress. Instead I have focused on things such as the fact that she still refuses to wear socks, or that she still won't go over the bar at gymnastics, etc.
Today I allowed myself to feel a little bit of joy about her progress.
I understand on some small scale what my sister is talking about when she speaks of her son. Forge ahead, don't forget what needs to be done, and above all focus and get your act together to help your child! (This is what I say to myself on a daily basis!)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Where Did the Summer Go?
Seriously--where did it go? Summer ALWAYS goes by way too fast, but this one seems especially fast. I don't think I've had a more stressful summer than this one. Well, I take that back. The summer my dad passed away was the worst. But this, well this is a different kind of stress. It's work related and family related. It quite frankly SUCKS! I know I know I should be thankful--and believe me I am--I have a wonderful family, I have a roof over my head, I get to go camping, and I have awesome friends--AMAZING friends. And, I have a job. Sydney has OT weekly--that will end this next week when school starts--I'm thinking we'll have to change it to once a month and do it on more of a consulting basis as I don't want to take 2 hours out of my day to drive out to her school, bring her back into town and take her back to school in the middle of the afternoon--very disruptive for both of us. Morgan is excited to start school--which is a wonderful thing that makes it so easy--Sydney not so much. Sydney is worried. Sydney is anxious. I try to keep a positive spin on the whole school thing, but I don't know if it's working. We get to meet with her teacher next week the afternoon before the first day of school, so hopefully that will ease some of her worries. AND she has her big sister there. Granted, Morgan will be in a different building (although still connected) but she will go get Sydney and take her to boys and girls club. I asked her if she would do that for the first few days until Sydney is used to it, and she said yes. Yay! Thank you Morgan--you are an awesome big sister--just like mine was! Morgan will show Syd the ropes, and Syd will get used to all the kids and activity--it was just as chaotic at day care sometimes, so I'm sure she'll adapt just fine. Can you tell I am trying to convince myself of this?
I get a long weekend--yay--we're heading out to go camping tonight. I need a break--now if I can just shut my mind off. It's my worst enemy I tell ya!
I get a long weekend--yay--we're heading out to go camping tonight. I need a break--now if I can just shut my mind off. It's my worst enemy I tell ya!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Did I cause any of these issues?
We received the report from the first OT that Sydney went to for an evaluation of her Sensory Processing Disorder. It was a really thorough (and long) report. I found it both helpful and heartbreaking wondering how many of Sydney's classmates actually can do all the things that Sydney cannot, plus wondering how many of these 'inabilities' or 'deficiencies' Sydney has that I have either caused or not helped. I see myself now through completely different eyes, as I do Sydney's life up to this point.
First, the report describes Sydney's visit in great detail. It discusses everything from Sydney flapping her arms to talking baby talk as either behavioral or coping mechanisms--the OT was not sure. She talks about Sydney's inability to track the ball that is being thrown at her, and her inability to catch it without using her body. I guess I didn't know that 5 year olds COULD catch a ball without using their bodies to help them catch--especially since it was a large beach ball. She discusses Syd's tactile disfunction in regards to the small swimming pool filled with unpopped popcorn, and how she refused to enter the pool, didn't want to touch the kernels and wouldn't give eye contact. The report also discusses how, when on the floor laying flat on her tummy, Sydney was asked to be a snake and didn't use her legs very much to move along the floor. Was that a misunderstanding on Syd's part or inability for her brain to communicate the proper movements to her body? There is quite a few areas (more than I expected) that we need to work on. I am sort of overwhelmed. The OT included information on Therapeutic Listening, and how along with a 'sensory diet' it might help Sydney progress faster. I sent our new OT an e-mail to see what she thought and if it might be worth looking into. Hopefully she gets back to me soon. Marlene said she just got back from vacation, so maybe it will be a few days before she responds. I keep thinking that I don't have a few days; I want to get going on this NOW!
Second, the report gave us some great insight into what we need to work on with Sydney. The OT gave us lists of different fun things we can do at home, and Sydney will have no clue that it is therapy. It's all mostly different things we can do just playing with her. As I read the list, after reading about Sydney's deficiencies, I was thinking how much of this could I have helped along? I find myself looking back on times with Sydney where I was the enabler--trying to calm Syd's anxiety or frustration by stepping in to help with zippers, shoes, getting dressed, etc--or just doing all of these things just to avoid the distressing behavior in the morning before day care so that we could both have a good day. I think about all the toys she has asked for, like Moon Sand or Play Dough or different things she's seen on tv, and how I said I wouldn't buy those things because they are too messy. Has my need for less stress actually caused more for all of us? Had I bought the moon sand long ago when she wanted it, would that have lessoned some of her issues? Had I stepped back and let her try to do things on her own, would she be farther along? I specifically remember on several occasions thinking, "This is my baby, and it's okay if I do these things for her. She will learn them eventually. She doesn't need to grow up so fast." Dammit. Some of the other activities on the OT's list included chores, such as washing windows, carrying in groceries, vacuuming. Neither of my girls do these things. Can you say, "enabler"? I certainly can, and I know the word all to well. Might as well stamp it on my forehead or wear it as a sandwich sign for the whole world to see, as I have labeled myself. I am thinking I am the biggest obstacle in Sydney's path.
So, tonight when I picked the girls up, we went directly to Target and shopped in the toy aisles. You should have heard Sydney's delight when I told her she could get Moon Sand. She told me that she had been wanting it her whole life. We also bought a huge "can" of playdough--it had 20 different playdough colors and scissors, molds, you name it. Morgan got something she'd been wanting as well, so both were very happy girls. Ya gotta love that.
Time to move forward, lose the guilt and do the best we can from this point forward. It's too late to change what I've done in the past. Now it's time to give these girls more chores and more fun as well. Wish me luck, strength and perserverence.
First, the report describes Sydney's visit in great detail. It discusses everything from Sydney flapping her arms to talking baby talk as either behavioral or coping mechanisms--the OT was not sure. She talks about Sydney's inability to track the ball that is being thrown at her, and her inability to catch it without using her body. I guess I didn't know that 5 year olds COULD catch a ball without using their bodies to help them catch--especially since it was a large beach ball. She discusses Syd's tactile disfunction in regards to the small swimming pool filled with unpopped popcorn, and how she refused to enter the pool, didn't want to touch the kernels and wouldn't give eye contact. The report also discusses how, when on the floor laying flat on her tummy, Sydney was asked to be a snake and didn't use her legs very much to move along the floor. Was that a misunderstanding on Syd's part or inability for her brain to communicate the proper movements to her body? There is quite a few areas (more than I expected) that we need to work on. I am sort of overwhelmed. The OT included information on Therapeutic Listening, and how along with a 'sensory diet' it might help Sydney progress faster. I sent our new OT an e-mail to see what she thought and if it might be worth looking into. Hopefully she gets back to me soon. Marlene said she just got back from vacation, so maybe it will be a few days before she responds. I keep thinking that I don't have a few days; I want to get going on this NOW!
Second, the report gave us some great insight into what we need to work on with Sydney. The OT gave us lists of different fun things we can do at home, and Sydney will have no clue that it is therapy. It's all mostly different things we can do just playing with her. As I read the list, after reading about Sydney's deficiencies, I was thinking how much of this could I have helped along? I find myself looking back on times with Sydney where I was the enabler--trying to calm Syd's anxiety or frustration by stepping in to help with zippers, shoes, getting dressed, etc--or just doing all of these things just to avoid the distressing behavior in the morning before day care so that we could both have a good day. I think about all the toys she has asked for, like Moon Sand or Play Dough or different things she's seen on tv, and how I said I wouldn't buy those things because they are too messy. Has my need for less stress actually caused more for all of us? Had I bought the moon sand long ago when she wanted it, would that have lessoned some of her issues? Had I stepped back and let her try to do things on her own, would she be farther along? I specifically remember on several occasions thinking, "This is my baby, and it's okay if I do these things for her. She will learn them eventually. She doesn't need to grow up so fast." Dammit. Some of the other activities on the OT's list included chores, such as washing windows, carrying in groceries, vacuuming. Neither of my girls do these things. Can you say, "enabler"? I certainly can, and I know the word all to well. Might as well stamp it on my forehead or wear it as a sandwich sign for the whole world to see, as I have labeled myself. I am thinking I am the biggest obstacle in Sydney's path.
So, tonight when I picked the girls up, we went directly to Target and shopped in the toy aisles. You should have heard Sydney's delight when I told her she could get Moon Sand. She told me that she had been wanting it her whole life. We also bought a huge "can" of playdough--it had 20 different playdough colors and scissors, molds, you name it. Morgan got something she'd been wanting as well, so both were very happy girls. Ya gotta love that.
Time to move forward, lose the guilt and do the best we can from this point forward. It's too late to change what I've done in the past. Now it's time to give these girls more chores and more fun as well. Wish me luck, strength and perserverence.
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