I just had lunch with my mom. I always feel so sad leaving her--I want to bring her to work with me so she is not alone. I know she has grown "accustomed" to living alone, but I know at times "accustomed" does not mean "content". I think at times she is content, but I think lately it's been less often. She told me the other day that she has been really down lately. The cancer, surgery and treatment have been really hard on her, as they would be on anybody, but moreso because she goes home alone. She really misses Dad. Yesterday was Veterans' Day, and she said she cried a few times during the ceremony at the cemetery.
I am a fixer. I want to be able to 'fix' things or situations. Maybe it's a control thing for me, I don't know. How do you 'fix' loneliness when somebody's spouse of almost 50 years is gone, when the person you've lived with everyday since you were 18 years old is no longer there? There is no fix. I know that, but I don't believe it. I want to fix it, but I can't. The only thing I can do is talk to her every day on the phone, try to spend some time with her and make sure I am here for her. Besides, I can't replace what was once there and is now gone, but I can do what I am already doing and what my brother and sisters are doing, and that's be here for her.
1 comment:
Believe me Bren, I know. I know, I know, I know. I feel the exact same way about my mom. My mom feels the lonliness from the loss of my dad too. She struggles with missing him daily also. I can't fix it though I would if I could as well. It feels to me like there should be more to do than just "be there" but in reality I think to them that "being there" is much more than that. At least my mom says it is. I know your mom appreciates all of you kids and loves you all so much. I wish that helped.....
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