Christmas is over. . .

Honestly I am not a fan of cleaning, but it feels good to get something done! Kory's niece is here to watch the girls this week since there's no day care or Boys and Girls club at school, so I HAD to get the spare bedroom cleaned for her so she could actually have a bed to sleep on and some space in the closet. Well a few hours later and a few (okay 7) bags of clothes, I got it cleaned--I have 4 bags of little girl clothes in there waiting to give to my niece Katelyn--yikes! I threw away some old clothes of mine--and some of the girls' old clothes that were stained or just worn out. That felt good! Now if I can just get to working on the 'being organized' thing!

The girls are VERY excited to have Heather here. They think she's pretty cool, and she is really good with them--and she's kicking all of our butts at Guitar Hero!! LOL. . .

Kory's parents got me a cool thing (because I can't think of another word to describe it) that converts 35mm negatives into 5 megapixel digital files--I don't even need to hook it up to my computer--it will store them on a little SD memory card. Yayy! That's a huge project though. I have a TON of negatives. But it will be nice to have those all converted. I'm excited to get started on it.

The girls had a great Christmas. I got up at 7:30 thinking I could sneak downstairs and get the video camera set up and started before they woke up. . . well, thanks to Zoe who has to shake first thing in the morning and wake everybody up, Sydney woke up. So I told her to stay upstairs because I wanted to get their reactions on the video. . . well then Morgan was up, so I had to tell them to go wake up their dad. So, I got it going and let them come downstairs. They were soooo excited! I will have to post a clip of the video. I haven't even watched it yet, but I bet it's cute. Morgan ripped through her presents really quickly, but Syd took her time wanting to play with things as she got them opened. Pretty sweet. Santa left a note, drank the milk, ate the cookies and fed the carrots to his reindeer. He even left a few of the crumbs on the plate.

Well tonight there was rain mixed with snow when I left the grocery store--and lots of wind. I got drenched trying to load the groceries into the car and put the shopping cart away. Ugh. Tomorrow morning should be fun on the roads.

Sydney's Christmas Program

Here is Sydney and some of her little friends singing "Silent Night" at their preschool Christmas program. . . they are doing sign language to it as well! So cute. . .

Morgan's Christmas Program

Here is a video from Morgan's Christmas Program at school. The song is called "Santa Needs a Vacation". . . Enjoy!

Only Three More Days Until Christmas!

That is what my girls have said over and over tonight. They say it with enthusiasm, I say it with dread. Dread because I'm not sure I am done with my shopping. Dread because every time I turn around I think of another person I forgot to send a Christmas card to. Dread because I still haven't gone grocery shopping for whatever it is I am going to make to take to my sister's on Christmas. Dread because it's cold and snowing. Dread because tomorrow is Syd's Christmas program, and I'm worried she will throw a fit in the morning because her dress will be too itchy or her socks will be bugging her. Dread because I still don't know why I'm having these terrible pains in my back even after having a CT scan to check for kidney stones. Dread because I'm not sure I have enough work done before I take a few days off. Oh I could go on and on--well I guess I already did. But, that's not how I want to feel right now. . . I want to get back that feeling I had when I was little and it seemed like FOREVER until Christmas got here. . .

So, I will put a more positive spin on things. . . I'm excited to see the girls' faces and hear their (hopefully!) squeals Thursday morning when they open their presents. I'm excited that the stress of the holiday will be over by then. I'm excited to open my own presents--yes I'm like a little kid as well--I can't stand not knowing what's in those boxes under the Christmas tree. I'm excited to go to Syd's program and have some time off of work. I'm excited that Christmas dinner is not at my house.

Pretty sad I can come up with more items of dread than excitement huh? Does that tell you what kind of frame of mind I am in? I will try tomorrow to be more positive. . . because then it will only be TWO more days until Christmas, and I will have even less time to know if I have the same number of presents for the girls. . . oh goodness here I go again. I'm going to bed and not going to think about this stuff!!!

Dress a Child

A friend of mine at work sent out an e-mail the other day needing some Santa's Helpers to meet at the local K-Mart to help with Dress a Child. I thought about it, put the e-mail aside, and thought I would wait until the following morning to give myself time to think about it. Well, I decided that I should do it. The only reason I didn't want to do it is because it is so easy to sit back and not think about the children in this world who don't have very much. Most days I enjoy living in denial. I decided I needed to push myself out of my comfort zone and just go--yes I would have to miss sleeping in on Saturday to be at the local K-Mart at 7 a.m., but it was the least I could do. So, I got up early this morning and headed to K-Mart while the rest of the family slept. My friend Susan had parked right next to me, so we walked in together, found where we needed to be, and I got my name tag and waited for my child. I got a little boy named Tarig who was 10--totally outside of my comfort zone! I haven't been around 10 year-old boys for 8 years (since my twin nephews were 10)! Okay--away we go. We got our list, and I had heard that the shoe aisle was the craziest, so we got our shopping cart and headed straight to the shoe aisle to get that part overwith. Tarig was cute--light brown curly hair--kinda shaggy like the boys wear it these days (doesn't that make me sound old?) but cute. I could tell he was trying to be 'cool'. He wasn't very talkative at first, so I tried to joke around a little bit to lighten things up. He found some cool shoes that he liked, so we headed to the boys clothes--I had no idea where that was since I have no boys, so I had to ask somebody--and off we went. We found a shirt that came with a cool stocking hat, then we found some jeans that he liked because the belt was cool--then we went back to the shoes because we forgot snow boots--found those, then back to the boys section because he needed a coat. Oops! Okay so I'm new at this. We couldn't find a coat that he liked, and luckily his mom was nearby and said he was really picky about coats and didn't like them to be very thick. Well luckily we found a really nice black wool coat with quilted lining, and when he put it on, it looked so nice on him--I told him he looked handsome--his mom asked him if he wanted to check it out in the mirror first, and he said no, pointed at me, and said "she said it looked good, so I don't need a mirror". Too cute! Then he needed some underwear, and I felt so bad for him because I could tell he was a little embarrassed--I would have been when I was little shopping with a complete stranger for underwear! But, we found some, then found some under-shirts--tank tops--then some gloves. Then I found out that we could go over the $100 limit as long as we were okay with paying the extra, so we went back and got a few more t-shirts and then stood in line waiting to check out. I told him he could go stand by his mom if he wanted to, but he said he wanted to stay in line with me. Oh how sweet. We chatted about Britney Spears and how much he didn't like her and her fake hair (his words). We were in line for quite a while, chatting it up. We got all done, took him to where his mom and siblings were standing (his siblings and cousins got to shop as well), and his mom told him to give me a hug--oh boy that has got to be one of the best hugs ever. He squeezed me so tight--I nearly cried. His mom had tears in her eyes most of the morning. For trying to be so 'cool', he really warmed up to me and made my whole day--my whole holiday really. I will do this again in a heartbeat, no matter how hectic and crazy, this shows me what Christmas is all about. I usually pick and angel off one of the trees and buy gifts, but I have to admit it's much more fun interacting with a child and letting them pick out the clothes they want. I wish I would have gone back and bought him more things, but I was so caught up in the moment that I wasn't even thinking. I think I'll call his school and see if it's okay to deliver some packages for him there.

Thank you to my dear friend Susan for giving me this opportunity. You can sign me up for next year!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Ah yes, the smell of giblets cooking on the stove. . . I had that today. . . with my mom. She came over to help me get the turkeys ready for tomorrow and get the giblets cooked and ready for the stuffing. She did that last year too--I still have so much to learn! The cooking is the easy part--of course our three turkeys were still partway frozen, but that was okay. We are frying 2 and baking one so that we can still have gravy and good dressing that soaks up all the fat while it's cooking inside the turkey--oh and leftovers for everybody because there is nothing like Thanksgiving leftovers. My whole family will be over--all 18 of us (I had to sit here and count that on my fingers as I can never remember how many of us there is!). I still have my sausage dressing to make tonight--I'll bake that tomorrow. Then there's the 10 pounds of potatoes to peel. I have to find the little knife my Grandma Liz gave me a long time ago--it's the best potato peeling knife I have and one of my favorite things she gave me--probably because it was brand new when she gave it to me, and my sisters both got something from the second hand store that Christmas (tee hee). All in all it will be a fun day with lots of noise and activity. Yayy!!! Happy Thanksgiving to Everybody!!!!!!

Morgan's Gymnastics Meet

U.S.A. is a Free Country

Morgan (8) was given an assignment today in class. The students were to write a letter to somebody they knew who had been in a war. Morgan asked if the person could be dead, and the teacher said no. So, Morgan wrote a letter to Callie that taught her preschool and is now Syd's preschool teacher. The letters were to go in a box. She then decided she was going to write a letter to her Grandpa Ed, my dad, and bring it home to put on his grave. She drew an American flag at the top of the letter with the words "U.S.A. is a Free Country" written on the flag. The letter says:

Dear Papa Ed,
My name is Morgan and I am 8 years old and a third grader at Lockwood School. My little sister is Sydney and at age 4, and only a preschooler. It is the year 2008 and we all really miss you, but thank you for fighting in the war and trying to earn us a free country. I really wanted to see you. We just had election against McCain and Obama. Who would you vote for?

Love,

Morgan

How sweet is that? She even drew hearts by her name. When she came home she told me the story. I told her we could certainly go visit Papa Ed's grave, and then I said she's not supposed to make me cry when she gets home from school. . .

She really knows how to touch my heart. . .

Alone

I just had lunch with my mom. I always feel so sad leaving her--I want to bring her to work with me so she is not alone. I know she has grown "accustomed" to living alone, but I know at times "accustomed" does not mean "content". I think at times she is content, but I think lately it's been less often. She told me the other day that she has been really down lately. The cancer, surgery and treatment have been really hard on her, as they would be on anybody, but moreso because she goes home alone. She really misses Dad. Yesterday was Veterans' Day, and she said she cried a few times during the ceremony at the cemetery.

I am a fixer. I want to be able to 'fix' things or situations. Maybe it's a control thing for me, I don't know. How do you 'fix' loneliness when somebody's spouse of almost 50 years is gone, when the person you've lived with everyday since you were 18 years old is no longer there? There is no fix. I know that, but I don't believe it. I want to fix it, but I can't. The only thing I can do is talk to her every day on the phone, try to spend some time with her and make sure I am here for her. Besides, I can't replace what was once there and is now gone, but I can do what I am already doing and what my brother and sisters are doing, and that's be here for her.

One more Halloween post

So here's me on Halloween. . . at least I was KINDA in the spirit!!

Another week. . .

. . . over and gone. Pretty sad that I wish them away while I'm at work. Here's a couple small stories from this week. . .

We got the girls flu shots (actually the flu-mist) on Tuesday night at the school. Syd still freaked out. Actually, let me clarify. When I say freaked out, I mean FREAKED out--crying and SCREAMING!! And she hadn't even gotten the squirt in her nose yet. I knew I would get a reaction like this whether I told her ahead of time or just before the shot. I know the nurse who gave it to her (it's a squirt in the nose) was not happy (and she's a co-worker). She made some comment about how I should have told Syd about it ahead of time or something like that which really irked me. . . but the funny part was that after I talked Syd into doing it (she could have had a shot instead!), I put her on my lap, and the nurse said to lay her back, so I did. The nurse then stuck her hand on Syd's forehead and sprayed the vaccine into her nostril. Syd hated it and squirmed and was. . .well. . . ticked to put it mildly!! Syd tried to sit up and brushed (okay shoved) the nurse's hand off her forehead and yelled "Get off me!!!" I didn't laugh about this until later--I was still processing the comment from the nurse. It's a wonder Syd let her spray it into her second nostril. When it was all done, Syd was absolutely fine--like nothing happened. Errr. The joys. . . at least I can laugh about it now!

So we bought Guitar Hero Aerosmith this week. Morgan LOVES it. She can't get enough of it. And she does the same song over and over. I told her "I Hate Myself for Loving You" is permanently etched into my brain. Well, she conveniently forgot she had homework last night until it was time for bed. So, I made her stay up and do it, and now she can't play video games tonight. We'll see how well this goes over. She's always super tired on Fridays, and if she didn't eat well today, it will be worse. More fun!!

Oh, and besides the fact that Syd would eat oatmeal for every meal, just like my dad, the other night she shook her fist at me! That's what my dad used to do, and his mom used to do that too. I remember shaking my fist at Grandma Blaesius once when I was little--one of very few memories I have of her--and she laughed. So, I told Syd that Papa Ed has now taken over her body. First the oatmeal, now the fist. It was just too cute.

Halloween Night

Here are the girls in their Halloween costumes. Morgan got to take hers to school and wear it at Boys and Girls club for their party. One of the gals there helped her with her makeup. Then when we got to Mom's after I picked the girls up, I added to it so it showed up more for night time. I had to make her glamorous since she was Sharpay from High School Musical!!! Syd was a Kitty again--she couldn't wait to get her nose and whiskers drawn on her. Mom was excited to see the girls and got a kick out of the fact that Morgan said we HAD to go to Grandma's for Halloween because it was a tradition! That really touched my heart. After Grandma's, we found Jared and Kate trick-or-treating and stopped to see them. Of course Syd was scared. Then we went home so Morgan's friend could come over and they could go trick-or-treating together. After Kylie got to our house, I joined the girls and Kylie's mom (and Syd) to walk throughout the neighborhood. Well, let me tell you, Syd is not a trick-or-treater. It didn't help that she forgot her bucket--that threw her off right away. We got to the first house across the street, she went up to the door with her sister and Kylie, and when Morgan said, "Syd, where's your bucket?" and the guy answered the door at the same time, she freaked. She came running down the stairs and cried. . . so Morgan got candy for her, which was brave in and of itself for her to ask somebody for something extra. I was proud of her. Kylie's mom ran back to our house to get Syd's bucket, so we were off. Then Syd started crying and said she was scared--well there was a big group of kids in front of us all dressed up, and I think that scared her. She did calm down a little bit because I was trying to make her laugh--but then something spooked her and she said she wanted to go home--I think it was the fact that the big group of kids was now behind us as we were walking down the street. So, Kylie's mom went off with Morgan and Kylie, and me and Syd went home. Instantly as we were walking home she was happier. I guess it was just too much for her. The minute we got home, rather than wanting to eat any candy, she wanted oatmeal. I think I have the only child on earth that would rather have oatmeal than candy on Halloween. She is definitely a product of her Grandpa Ed. :-) That makes me smile.

Morgan got home about an hour later all excited with all the goodies she collected--she even got 2 cans of pop! I think she opened one, took a sip, then decided she wanted water. It's still sitting on the counter this morning! Morgan fell asleep on the couch at about 9:30 after saying she wanted to stay up until midnight.

I think we had about 50 kids--some really small--so cute. . . I kinda like answering the door on Halloween. . . I think that should be a new tradition. . .

Happy Halloween!!

I know it's early, but we carved pumpkins today, so I had to post this picture. The girls were so excited. I had to take a picture of them all scary and glowing. I am soaking the pumpkin seeds overnight in salt water to roast tomorrow. I have never done it before. Hopefully they turn out good! I remember the neighbor girls having pumpkin seeds when we were little and I thought they were so good, so I thought I would try it. I will probably be the only one to eat them, but I figured it's worth a shot!

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Halloween!!!

A Few More Days

I just need a few more days to be home with my girls I decided. This weekend was teachers' convention, so I was fortunate enough to have Thursday and Friday off to spend with the girls. Thursday we spent having lunch and spending the afternoon with my friend and her two daughters who are very good friends with my girls. That was great fun. Then Thursday evening we met up with Kory's cousin, wife and their kids who came down from Chinook MT. LOVE talking to them. They are good people.

Friday we put some flowers and little pumpkins on Dad's grave--I think this is the first time the girls have seen it--well I should say that Morgan has seen it up close. Syd wanted to stay in the van, so Morgan walked with me and we placed the flowers on his grave and talked about what the Purple Heart and Bronze Star Medal meant that are engraved on his headstone. On the way back to the van, Morgan realized how special her grandfather was as she did not see any other headstones with "BSM" engraved on them, and very few with "Purple Heart" on them. I then drove the girls by my grandparents graves. Then we picked up Mom and went to Build-a-Bear so Morgan could get her asthma/allergy safe bear. Very cute. Sydney got an elephant. Then we took Mom to lunch and went back to her house for a while and let the girls play. What a lovely day! That night, instead of scrapbooking as I had planned, I decided to go to the rodeo with Kory and the girls. We were meeting Kory's cousin and his family there. Syd was freaked when we walked into the arena--before even getting to her seats. Too much noise, too many people, plus clowns. By the time we got to our seats, she had seen a cowboy riding bareback on a bucking horse, and she was cheering and was hooked. It was great to see. Morgan cheered and would cover her mouth and gasp if it looked like somebody was going to get hurt. They thoroughly enjoyed it and want to go again very soon! So, we will be keeping our eyes peeled for rodeos.

The rest of the weekend has been great as well. We went to a wedding reception last night for a gal I work with, and it was lots of fun. We got a sitter for the girls and just had some us time surrounded by friends.

Once again, it's back to reality.

Snow Pictures

 

More Snow in Montana

The Snowman

One more picture from today. . .

Fall in Montana

Most of the people who read my blog live here, so this will not be news to them, but to those of you who don't live in Montana, this blog is for you! Hopefully you saw the picture of the flower in the bush whose leaves are changing color (a couple of posts down). . . that was taken the weekend of October 4th. Here's a couple more pictures I took that weekend. . .

Here's what, one weekend later, our weather is doing. . .

The weather forecasters are saying we can get up to 24" by Monday.

Girls in my Circle

I received this from a friend today and thought I would put it on my blog. It is so true. . . thank you to all of you in my circle. I'm so thankful you are a part of it!!!

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman. Then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.


One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man. Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom. Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be. One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'Another , 'Let's fight together,' Another , 'Let's walk away together.'



One friend will meet your spiritual need,Another your shoe fetish,Another your love for movies, Another will be with you in your season of confusion,Another will be your clarifier, Another the wind beneath your wings.



But whatever their assignment in your life,On whatever the occasion,On whatever the day, Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .... Those are your best friends.



It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several.. One from 7th grade,One from high school, Several from the college years, a couple from old jobs,On some days your mother, On some days your neighbour,On others, your sisters,And on some days, your daughters.

THANKS FOR BEING IN MY CIRCLE!

We went camping this weekend--our last camping trip for the year. I'm so sad. But we had such a great time. There was this one flower still blooming on this bush where the leaves were all changing color--it was gorgeous, so I had to take a picture. So, until next spring, no more camping pictures. . . . *sniff*

Oh to be Camping!!

That's what I have on my license plates--not exactly, but abbreviated. . . and guess what? I (er, we) get to go camping this weekend! Now I know for CERTAIN that this will be our last outing of 2008 as the weather is supposed to turn cold sometime tomorrow. But, we are going to a KOA with electricity AND an indoor swimming pool! I can't wait. We're leaving tonight and we cleaned and cleaned and packed last night just so we can go. I'm beside myself with excitement. It doesn't take much for me to get excited about something. Especially camping. I just love how relaxing and fun it is. I can't describe it very well. The girls--and Kory I think too--are also excited. And if it rains, I will sleep that much better with the sound of the rain on the camper.

It's been a hell of a week at work. The auditors came in for their initial interviews, and then next week they will be doing audits of some of our processes. I hate these annual audits. I've been through 13 of just this type of audit (one per year) and countless other kinds of audits involving Medicare, Medicaid, the State, Work Comp, and once even the FBI!! They suck because it pretty much falls on my to coordinate them and answer their questions and get the documentation for them and make any suggested changes. I hate audits. And to top it off I've had employee issues this week. I hate being a supervisor. If I could give up the audit and supervising, I would be a happy little camper--well I'm sure I would still complain. . . especially when it comes to crunch time and I have to take work home. Okay, let's just say I'm struggling with going to work every day. Some days are better than others though. . . so I really am ready for a camping weekend to just get away.

Did I say I'm excited to go camping? :-)

What's Up With This?

I found myself missing my dad today--not that I usually don't, but it's usually not like this. I can't really explain why. I believe everybody has their days--some have meaning to them like a birthday or holiday, but why today? Mom goes through days like this too--I guess we all do. I can't think of anything significant on September 28th. Maybe it's just the time of the month and I'm a little bluesy. Maybe I'm tired. I really don't know. . . I hate days like this. I tried to put it away--went shopping with my friend and her mom at the new Kohl's store--that was fun. But it was just a temporary fix to deal with my blues. I stripped the caulking off my bathtub and re-did it, watched tv, washed my car, played with Zoe, went for a drive. . . still there.

Tomorrow Morgan goes in for her first round of allergy testing. I am not looking forward to it, but she's usually pretty tough for the doctors and nurses--I hope she will be tomorrow. It's just little scratches, so hopefully she'll do okay. Kory gets to take her on Tuesday.

I guess I'll just let the sadness be there, and eventually it will subside--it always does.

It's over. . .

Mom's radiation treatments are all done. She is pretty burned but very very happy to be done with that. We had a little surprise party for her on Friday. She started to cry when her one neighbor and really good friend showed up. She was truly surprised. We toasted with iced tea. I told her it was just one more hurdle that she overcame. The staff at the cancer center all gave her hugs on her last day, and that meant a lot to her.

What I Cannot Change

My new favorite song. . . I can so relate to this in so many ways. . .

Baby Deer

There was a baby deer in our yard today (still small but the spots were gone). . . we spotted it while cleaning out the girls' closet, so Sydney said, "Mom, take a picture!" so I found the camera and got a couple quick shots of it. It was a baby and couldn't figure out how to get out of our yard. I finally went outside (made Zoe stay in!) and tried to tiptoe over to the gate to let it out, and then it figured out how to jump and get out the way it came in.

Morgan and Sydney wanted to keep it. Syd named it "Shirley" and Morgan named it "Jennifer".

Hunting Season

Hunting season is once again upon us. It doesn't suck like it used to. In fact, this year I was ready for it to come. . . ready for a break. I think Kory needed it too. After camping and summer and being so danged tired of being tired and busy, it was time. Kory hasn't been feeling the best for about a month now, and the house is a mess, and I am cranky-ish, so it is a good thing. I got to spend time with my sister and her family last night--what fun. No Kory around wanting to go home--it was just us--and we got to visit and just be. That is a luxury I think. Although I didn't sleep well last night. . . I was a little bit nervous--didn't even turn my fan on so I could hear if the girls were scared or sad or if some crazy intruder might bust into the house during the night (sucks to get home after dark with no lights on in the house!). Zoe laid at the top of the stairs for about 2 hours waiting for Kory to come home. She didn't like it. It was kinda sweet.

So I had all these plans for today--mainly clean out the girls' closet. Do you think I got it done? Heck no!! We went shopping and picked up a new toy for each of the girls and then picked up lunch and came home. Then I proceeded to sit on my hind end until about 6:00 when I decided we needed to go to the store to get cream for our new ice cream maker. Our friends got one and take it camping with us--it's soooo yummy! So, we bought one today, and I am sitting here listening to it (it's really loud!) and typing away. Actually it's drowning out the sound of the tv which would make my ADHD kick into high gear and then I wouldn't be able to type anything that made any sense (oh yeah--I do really think I am telling a better story right now-ha!).

It's been raining off and on today. In fact, at one point Zoe was still outside and it was really coming down. She had to come to the window downstairs and give me the most pathetic look and shake the water off of her so I would let her in. Whoops!

Mom is now half-way through her treatment. 16 more to go. She's doing fine, but really tired. I can tell it's wearing on her. The stitch on her one incision that was bothering her so bad finally disappeared, so that's good. She asked the nurse about it again, and the nurse looked and it was gone. She is a little burned, but the doctor said that's typical. She's been putting on the special lotion and aloe vera everyday, so she's very careful to follow everything she's been told.

Time to log on to the camping forums and chat it up with my online friends. They rock. They make me laugh and help me keep my sanity sometimes when I need it.

Maybe I'll do the closet tomorrow. . .

Labor Day Camping Trip

I am sad. Actually kinda depressed. We had our last camping trip of the season this last weekend. We went to the KOA at Livingston, and we really had a great time. Nothing too exciting, but just nice to get away and yet be at a campground with running water and electricity. That's the best. I love our camper, and we had a good time with our friends. The campground was fun--drawings for little prizes every 1/2 hour (all my family won something except for me!) and then a fun 'almost midnight madness' sale at the little store. That actually ended up being on Monday morning because the storm on Sunday night knocked out the power. I felt really bad for the people in the camping cabins--no power, no candles, no heat--and so rainy. They probably all just ended up going to bed with lots of blankets to stay warm! And I can't even imagine staying in a tent in that weather--yuck! Luckily the power came back on at a little after midnight. The store held the sale on Monday morning with more prizes, and Morgan won --again--this year. The little lucky duck won last year too! And they give out some pretty cool prizes. My friend Jane and I got some really cool pictures of the snow clouds hanging over the mountains on Sunday night. I'll post some pictures hopefully tomorrow night.

We did go up into the mountains to a few of the remote campgrounds--we were going to take a hike, but changed our mind when we saw the bear signs everywhere. No thanks.

I hope everyone had a great labor day weekend as well.

First Day of School Jitters

It's the first day of third grade, and I had the jitters worse than Morgan. I was okay until I sensed that she was a little apprehensive. We took Syd to day care, then I went to Burger King and got Morgan some breakfast (I know--not the healthiest, but at least she ate) and we went to the school. Kory met us there and had breakfast in the van with us. Well we didn't sit in the van for long. It was 7:25 and Morgan said, "I'm done" (school starts at 8) so in we went to meet her new teacher. She seemed very very nice. We put Morgan's stuff on her desk, found her locker, told Kory goodbye, and proceeded to the playground --not much of a playground at this point. Since they built a new middle school, the 3rd and 5th graders moved into the old middle school. As a result, they are on a playground with lines painted for some sort of games I suppose. They had basketballs and hula-hoops out for the kids, but no equipment until the principal can get some installed. No biggie to Morgan I guess. Anyway, Morgan stayed very close to me the entire time we were waiting for the whistle to blow so she could get her day started (more jitters for me). The kids were loud! Mostly the 5th graders were loud--both boys and girls. And there were hardly any parents there. I was kind of surprised. So the whistle blew and we made our way back around to the front of the building to stand in line. We said the pledge of allegiance and then the classes started heading inside. We had Morgan and her best friend separated this year--too many squabbles and 'girl' issues with competition and fighting--too much time spent together--let's hope this year is better. I kissed Morgan and she went inside--happy. Phew!

As I walked away, all I could think of is, "Please God let her have a good day and a good year." Not that last year was bad, but the teacher and I just never 'clicked' and the issues with the girls really got to me--probably more-so than Morgan. I left the school kinda sad--maybe more with a sense of meloncholy--wondering why the time has to go so fast. I had a hard time working today--hoping Morgan had a good day and that Syd wasn't too lonely without her big sister at day care. I was so happy when 2:20 rolled around and I could leave to go pick up Morgan.

I got to the school and waited for her class to be dismissed. She came out so happy--she said she had a wonderful day and it is going to be a great year. She made a new friend. She is excited to go to orientation tonight at the boys and girls club. Tomorrow will be her first day at the after school program there. So many changes. Mrs. Yasenak (Morgan's teacher) said "change is good" this morning while we were waiting in line. I agreed--yes change is good. But in my head I said, "is it really?" I'm not convinced. Maybe SOME change is good, I thought to myself.

I still have concerns about the girl thing--it is only the first day after all. One of Morgan's friends is in her class, but she is pretty influential, and another girl is already monopolizing her--so, we'll see. Jeremiah, the stalker boy from 1st grade is also in her class along with Madison--the bully from 1st grade. I am expecting challenges ahead so that I'm not disappointed, but hoping they don't happen. It's amazing how I can already see the 'cliques' at school--in 3rd grade. But I guess when you think about it, all our lives there are 'cliques' of some sort. It's who you are comfortable being around and who you have as friends. The good thing about Morgan is that she usually has friends wherever she goes--maybe to different degrees--but friends nonetheless.

Here's hoping we have a great year, just like Morgan said.

On another note, Sydney starts preschool on Tuesday. This year she has Miss Callie who we all love. Miss Callie was Morgan's first preschool teacher, and I attribute so much of Morgan's strengths in school to Miss Callie. We are so lucky. It IS going to be a good year.

The Genetic Counselor Appointment

Mom had her appointment with the genetic testing counselor (I think that's what she's called). Anyway, sounds like good news, but we'll know more for sure later. Apparently they do a family history analysis first, then if Mom chooses, she can do the blood test. A friend of mine that had breast cancer did the genetic testing, as her biological mother (she was adopted) and the male twin of her biological mother both had breast cancer. Her results based on the family history were something like an 86% chance that her daughter would get breast cancer. Then when they did the blood test, it turned out that she did not carry the gene. She is certain that the replacement hormone therapy caused her breast cancer, and that's what I asked the doctor about Mom's cancer, but he quickly skirted that issue. Anyway, my sister went with Mom to the appointment, and here was her e-mail to me yesterday. . .

First I have to say that the genetic counselor lady was very nice and explained everything very well. After reviewing family history in depth and lots of discussion, she thought she would come out with a number of mom having the Breast Cancer gene to about 5% (she will have the final number later in a letter to mom). Cousins (like Anita) would probably be very likely to have it, especially if they had cancer. The number are that the general population normally has a 7% change of having breast cancer. If you have the gene (which can come from your father, as well as your mother), then you have up to a 66% chance. The fact that mom had it later in life and that none of her siblings or children have had any cancer is promising. Another fact is that the gene can affect Brad/Rob or our sons if they have it because they can be more likely to have prostrate cancer (and more aggressive).

The lady will put the information into a computer model, send a copy of the statistics to mom, and then they can have a follow-up discussion on it.

Mom did not feel worried about it. The lady said one course of action (if she were to have the gene), is that she would have aggressive testing (MRI’s and mammograms) and then the ovaries removed. An interesting fact on ovaries being removed is that they can do it lapriscoprically in most cases. (I have no idea how to spell that) That would make it less invasive if a person had to do that.

Any question…call me. I will see what I can remember. I got the booklet and DVD if anyone is interested in learning more about the testing.

Oh yeah..if you have the testing, you may not get dropped from health insurance, but buying life insurance may be more difficult. Just an FYI.

Interesting, huh? It seems the insurance companies get the last laugh anymore. . .

And still more pictures from vacation. . .

This picture was taken at a sapphire mine. We bought each of the girls a bag of rocks for $10 and sifted through them to find sapphires and garnets. It was fun, but Syd was not very fond of it! And her bag had the most gems!!!
Tired Syd. . .
Ahhhhh--I miss this. . .

Can you tell I want to go back?

More pictures from vacation

This was the coolest Carousel I have ever seen!! The girls loved it. We went into Helena twice, and we had to go to it both times!!
This was taken at Cemetery Island--Sydney loved it. It's an island at Canyon Ferry reservoir with a really really old cemetery on it. I believe the earliest grave was someone who died in the 1890's, but I can't remember for sure. It was really interesting to walk around and see the old headstones. There were even some headstones with people who died in the last 10 years. Must be family burial plots. This was the cemetery from the town that was named Canyon Ferry, and when they built the dam and filled the reservoir, this hilltop became an island.

Pictures from Vacation

I was just messing around with the settings on my camera when I took this one. . . I think I'll get it enlarged and frame it!
The capital building in Helena. . .
This was taken right outside the place with the carousel. . . very cool.
Morgan and her bus driver's granddaughter (they were camping there too) playing on our pyramid that Kory battled trying to patch.
Syd playing in the water. . .

Thought I would post a few cool pictures from camping. . . hope you enjoy! Morgan starts school again on Thursday. I can't believe another summer has come and gone. . .

Back to Reality

We had a wonderful week at Canyon Ferry Reservoir with our friends. The weather was great--it actually got kinda cold at night! We weren't hot at all--maybe a little bit on Saturday, but that was it. It was windy off and on, but that was okay--we just relaxed and went into Helena a few times. The girls had fun at the Great Northern Carousel (I'll post some pix later!), and we learned how to sift through rocks for garnets and sapphires. I think we all needed it. Now it's back to work and day care! School starts on the 28th and I am so not ready!!!

The Speech Heard 'Round the Town

Maybe someday it will be heard "'Round the world", but for now, it was heard around town, and an article was written about it in the Billings Gazette-with a picture of my now famous sister Marlene. This was the speech she was asked to give at the VIP luncheon at the 2-day conference on autism at Montana State University-Billings. You can check the speech out on her blog. The link is on the right side of my blog--"Jared's Journey".

Battles

My whole family is battling something these days. My mom's battling cancer, my sister and her family are battling autism, Kory is battling the big yellow blow-up pyramid thingy that floats on the lake so we can take it on vacation, and I am battling battles between my girls. Needless to say, when I talk about my personal battles, they seem very small compared to what my mom and my sister are dealing with on a daily basis.

Mom will be starting 5 weeks of radiation in a few weeks, and she will have an extra week just for good measure--a boost I believe is what they called it, but don't quote me on that. She goes in to have a mold made first and gets tattoed. She seems okay--she doesn't really know how it will affect her, but she seems to be going into this with a lot of dignity, maybe almost stoic like my grandmother was. At least that's the side I see. I think she shows different sides to all of us kids.

Marlene has her big speech to give at the 2 day conference on autism. I am so proud of her--I think it is so cool. She and John will be sitting on the parents panel, and Marlene is giving a speech at the VIP luncheon. I really wish I could go. I hope somebody video-tapes it. I believe some people from my work are going, so hopefully I will hear all about it from them. The whole conference was planned because of a speech she gave at an Easter Seals fundraiser. One of the professors at the University heard it and said to his wife that we needed to have a conference on autism, so from what I understand he got it going. That amazes me. She is making a difference.

And now for my battle. I really am at my wits end about my girls--today the fight was BAD. I bought them each a new toy for when we go on vacation, and they were playing with them in the camper. I came inside, and Kory was outside battling the yellow thingy I referred to earlier. I guess there was yelling and screaming and shoving, and they're just lucky that I did not witness it. Kory takes it pretty easy on them. Not me. I hate fighting. So, they both came in and had to be on separate floors of the house, while the new toys got grounded for a week until we go on vacation--they are in the camper in a bag to be left alone until we are at our destination. Errrrr.

I most definitely will take this piddly little battle (even though at the time it seems so huge) over the others I see around me. Now there's this pile of clean clothes downstairs calling my name. . . bleh.

My Flowers

I took this picture yesterday morning of my flowers I planted. . . all 160 of them. . . give or take a few!

Do You Believe in Ghosts?

I'm serious when I'm asking this question. I really didn't have an opinion on this subject until we moved into our new house in 2006. You would think a newly built house would not have other inhabitants, right? Well ours did/does. The first time we noticed it was one night when Kory was thawing out some hamburger in the microwave. One child was asleep, the other downstairs with us--both too small to reach the microwave. Kory put the package of hamburger in the microwave, set the timer, and came back downstairs to watch tv. We had only been in the house maybe 3 months--it had been raining all day. He went back upstairs to check on the hamburger, and the microwave door was open, the hamburger unthawed, and there was still time left on the timer. I just thought Kory had lost his mind. . . until I remembered seeing a tennis ball in our closet a few days earlier. We don't own any tennis balls. The day care next door doesn't have any tennis balls, and our dog does not play with tennis balls. At the time I thought it was strange but kind of shrugged it off. . . until the microwave event. Then the next weekend I woke with a start. . . I ALWAYS turn a fan on in our bedroom before I go to bed. . . the noise helps me sleep--along with the air movement. I turned it on that night, and when I woke with a start about 1/2 hour after I went to sleep, the fan was off. I got up and went to turn it back on. . . nothing happened. What the. . . ? So I turned on my light, and it turns out the fan was unplugged. At that moment, I knew we had a ghost. We had to be careful not to talk about it in front of Morgan--but at the same time it was very hard not to. We didn't want to scare her. I would go through each occurrence in my head, questioning every possibility, but a ghost was the only explanation. We even asked the builder of the house about it--what used to be here many years ago? The only thing they knew was that there used to be a pig farm here--great.

It seemed like for a while we would notice little things after that. . . the fireplace would shut off by itself (gas) when we didn't have it set on the thermostat. . .weird things like that. . . but nothing like the 3 things I listed above. . . that is until recently. Our dog never acted strange when the ghost was around. . . until recently. About 2 months ago, Kory was downstairs watching tv, and I was upstairs in bed. Kory said Zoe (the beloved pooch) kept looking at the pictures on the ledge of my mom and dad. My dad passed away 9 years ago. She has never seen him. He did love dogs, and I know he would have had a soft spot for Zoe. She has NEVER even noticed those pictures before. . she usually just lays down while we're watching tv, but that night he said she was different. She sat there just looking up at those pictures like she knew him. I'm sorry I missed it. And then tonight. . . we got home from swimming lessons, and the light switch just inside the house by the door coming in from the garage would not turn the lights on. So, Morgan went to the top of the stairs where there was another light switch for those same lights--nothing. All the other lights worked. Then Kory went downstairs to hit the other light switch for those lights, and that one worked--then the other ones worked. Now I'm sure there's some sort of logical explanation for this light switch phenomenon, but my explanation is our little ghost friend.

I've never felt threatened. . . so maybe it is my dad--he would do those kind of silly things just to tease me. And he would get a good laugh out of doing those kinds of things too. And what about those times when I'm having a really bad day, and it just so happens that a Don Williams song comes on the radio (who plays him anymore?) or when I was really stressed out and on my way to work and I would see Dad's old Dodge? I don't know--those could all be easily disputed in some scientific study I'm sure, but for me, I prefer to think my dad is telling me that everything is going to be all right. . . stop stressing. . . appreciate what I have. . . and most of all appreciate my family.

A New Reader

I just found out that I have a new reader to my blog--one of Kory's classmates that I have not yet met. So, I put a link to her blog on here--I hope that's okay! I can't even describe how I felt when she e-mailed and said she's been reading my posts and that she liked them. It was not only flattering, but made me happy that there are other people that see this blog. I can't even begin to imagine how many blogs there are out there, so to know that this gets read by people that I don't even know really surprised me I guess. See? I am struggling to describe it.

Thank you for reading! I am going to have to be more dedicated and post more often. . .

Only Good News

So I'm only going to talk about good news tonight. Mom's tumor was self-contained. The surgeon removed one lymph node and it was clear. Yayyy!!! They believe they got the entire tumor. We'll know more in a week when she sees her surgeon for follow-up. So, since the tumor had not spread to the lymph nodes, that means it was less than a Stage 3 cancer. This is what I had hoped, and this is truly what I believed was to be true before we even went in today. I felt so bad for my mom this morning--while we were waiting for her first appointment today, she said to me, "I am so scared." Let me tell you--having never heard that from my mom before--it shook me up. You all would be so proud of how strong I was today. I shed not a single tear--that is really hard for me to do, but I knew I had to do it, and I did.

Thank you to EVERYBODY who said prayers and gave us all best wishes. You are the best, and I couldn't ask for better people to know. I love you all. You just simply have no idea how full my heart feels right now with all the prayers my mom has received this week. My mom, myself and my family were truly wrapped in a blanket of love today--no matter how corny that sounds.

I'm Just Tired. . .

That's what I was telling myself this morning sitting in the skimpy hospital gown that I had to hold shut while I was waiting for the ultrasound tech to come back. . . she told me before my ultrasound that the radiologist said I had to have another mammogram this morning before I could have the ultrasound so they knew where to look--my last mammogram was from 2001, and that was too old. I panicked--I wasn't prepared for this small bump. It seemed so big at the time--I was awake most of the night with pain in my breast and armpit. I told the tech that my doctor said she wouldn't order a mammogram because of the tenderness, swelling and just overall pain. She said she would call my doctor's office--I wanted to tell her to tell that MALE radiologist that I would get a mammogram today if he stuck his balls in the same machine to see what that felt like. But I held my tongue--with tears in my eyes. I was in pain--I was not prepared. Later on I told myself, "this is how Sydney feels when you mess up her routine. This is how she deals with it--by crying." I didn't want to cry--I really tried not to--but I am stressed out. I told the tech that my I am really stressed out--my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I'm stressed, as tears stream down my face. How frickin' embarrassing. I wanted her to know that I wasn't crazy--that I don't usually freak out when I'm told I have to have a mammogram--but I was in pain, dammit!!! So, she comes back after speaking to my doctor's office, and says my doctor is on vacation until noon today. Lovely--the nurse recommended I do the mammogram first, but it is my choice. Well okay--I'll do it--but I was PISSED!! When I'm pissed I cry--sometimes. So, then everybody was soooo nice to me I just kept crying--stop being nice to me! The mammogram hurt--but they put a cushion on the plate so that it wasn't so bad. I told the mammogram tech that a woman must have invented that foam cushion--she smiled. Then they did the ultrasound--the mammogram was clear (I could have told them that!). But, the ultrasound showed 2 cysts--so they brought in the prick (excuse my language here folks) that made me have the dumb mammogram--the one was pretty small, but the other one they want to aspirate and test the fluid--if any--they get out of it. I could schedule it right away or I could wait 6 months. They also brought in a nurse navigator like Mom has. I had to think about it--while I was thinking about it, they all just stared at me--do I have to decide right now, I wanted to say. So I just said I wanted to wait 6 months. I can't handle this right now. I should have cancelled the ultrasound in the first place, but I thought I should get it done. The doc said there's less than a 2% chance it's malignant--well with all the crap going on now, maybe by 6 months it will go away.

Enough of this crap--I need to focus on my mom. I decided I got all the tears out today so that I won't have any tomorrow. They moved Mom's surgery up to 11:30--hallelujah. So it won't be such a long morning for her. I really feel it's going to be okay--they caught it fast. She had her last mammogram 6 months ago, so this is promising. The tumor is small--maybe the size of the tip of my thumb. I wish they would tell her that her worrying caused her tumor--that's about the only thing that would cure her of worrying. Not about this, but about everything in general--even before we knew about the tumor.

Ihave so many dear friends and family all praying for her. It's amazing. THAT makes me cry too--just knowing how much people care.

Appointments

Mom had her appointment today. She goes in for surgery on Thursday for a partial mastectomy. They won't know until that day if the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes or not. I tried really really hard to be strong, but then when the doctor said "this is when we start to worry about our daughters (getting cancer)" I started to cry. He was so kind--too bad every doctor doesn't have his bedside manner. He looked at me and said, "It's okay to cry, I cry all the time." The good thing is that Mom has a "nurse navigator." She's kind of a case manager. She will go to Mom's appointment with her if Mom wants her to, she communicates regularly with the surgeons and oncologists, and she meets with them twice a month and they discuss each patient case and what they think the best course of action is for each patient. It's really quite impressive. She was so sweet with Mom too. So, Now we just wait for Thursday to come around.

Kory's dad had a new stint put in today--I guess the one he got about a year ago was all clogged up. He's in the hospital for 24 hours and will come to our house for another 24 hours before he goes home. Hopefully that helps him to feel better. He's been sick for a long time and hasn't really been able to sleep very well at all, so I hope this helps him.

One tidbit of drama--lightning started a fire out here in Lockwood--great. Luckily we're not close to it, but I worry about the smoke and how it affects Morgan. I guess we'll see if her cough gets worse.

I think I need a drink. . .

Our Parents' Health

So I got the phone call from Mom this afternoon, and now we found out Kory's dad has to have either a stint or open heart surgery tomorrow. I have an ultrasound myself tomorrow afternoon at 3 I was going to cancel due to us going out of town camping, but we have now canceled our camping trip, so why not--let's get all this crap out of the way--instead of sitting around worrying about it--let's hit this head on. It will suck, but that's life--it sucks a lot lately.

Bad News

Mom called--the surgeon's nurse called her this afternoon and said the surgeon would like to see her in the morning. Mom asked her if she could tell her if it was benign, and the nurse said, "no, honey, I can't." So, the more I think about it, the more I think it is malignant. The doctor woudln't see her in his office if it was benign. If it was benign and they could leave it there, they would tell her over the phone. If it was benign and they needed to remove it, they would schedule surgery. I'm thinking the doctor wants to talk to Mom about her treatment options. Crap crap crap. That's the only word I can think of right now without swearing. So, I'll go with her in the morning and hopefully he will say it's no big deal and we'll remove it, possibly do some radiation and be done. If I remember correctly, when they did the MRI, he wasn't concerned about her lymph nodes, which is a good sign. I hope so. Say some prayers for my mom.

Also, Kory's dad hasn't been feeling the greatest lately either. Kory's Mom and Dad are down today to see the cardiologist. They were going to do a stress test on him at 1:00--we haven't heard how that went--could be we have company another night.

Good News vs. Bad News

You always hear "What would you like first, the good news or the bad news?" So today you will hear the good news first. . . you have no choice in the matter.

The good news is that Mom's biopsy is over. They numbed her so it wouldn't be so painful, and she said the doctor was pretty funny and made her laugh. The bad news is we won't have any news until Friday. Now she gets to wait some more, but we are thinking she was really worried about the biopsy procedure itself, so she's relieved it's over.

The good news is that I was offered the Director of Finance Position at Head Start. Wow is that a boost to my ego. Maybe I am qualified to do something that I thought maybe I wasn't qualified for initially. The bad news is that it would be about a $20,000/year pay cut, so I can't take the job. So, here goes my optimism. At least I have a job, right? I was hoping the salary they quoted me would be with part-time hours in the summer--well it was, but it meant 2 weeks without pay in the summer--that's it. So, I have to call them back tomorrow and say sorry but there's just no way I can afford to take that big of a cut. I guess I thought it would be a little bit higher than what they said--but it wasn't. Oh well. They even told me that salary was at the high end of the range too. So, onward I go. . . it will be okay--I have my family and my friends and so much to be thankful for--now let's just focus on Mom. . . and pray that there is no bad news to go along with the good.

Funky

So my day kinda went along with the title of Sydney's favorite song, "Had a Bad Day". I guess I really can't say it was a BAD day, just that I am in a funk. I talked to Mom this morning, and she had an ultrasound yesterday--seems the 'spot' is about 3/4" big--she has a biopsy on Monday. I guess my stupid optimistic self (until today) was thinking that these tests were never conclusive--probably because we didn't have much information/details--that was until now. The fact that Mom could see it on the ultrasound screen monitor scared the hell out of me--what must she be feeling? Was she a little bit relieved that she had somewhat more details--even though we still don't know if it's cancer? The weird thing is that the spot is not hard--it can't be felt. At least the doctor spoke with her and let her know that they would be numbing the area, so that eased her mind a little bit. They'll take 4 or 5 samples and see if it's a malignancy. Ugh. I'm scared, so what the hell is Mom feeling?

It didn't help that today is the anniversary of Dad's death. Kory and I went to lunch, and then I went to the store afterwards to pick up some flowers. As I was leaving, in walked Mom to get flowers--how funny. So, I told her to meet me at my new office (which is right next to the cemetery), and we went over the the grave together. I was able to be strong and not cry the whole time--till I got back to work. Then I started telling the gals about how I met up with Mom, and I just started to cry. I hate that!! And the new office is just oppressive. Then I get news that the group of us that got raises in May from my old boss may not be getting our annual raises in July along with everyone else. Wow. Incredible.

So, tonight, I came home and went to bed--now I have guilt--because I'm not showing my kids how to deal with stress--although they probably just think I'm tired from moving yesterday--I hope. But, I need to get out of this funk this weekend and spend some time with them--and be thankful because they are what keeps me going.

Behind the Times

Well it is summertime, and swimming lesson time, and new boss time, so needless to say I am BEHIND THE TIMES! Sorry I haven't been posting. Here is a summary of the happenings in my life in the past few weeks. . .

My co-worker that worked in the office next door to me was RIF'd a couple of weeks ago (Reduction in Force) shortly after he and his new boss filled a new position--the new person was to start on Monday, and Del was RIF'd on the Friday before the new person started. Isn't this illegal? He is actually very happy. One of my staff spoke to him and he is doing well--relieved--and taking a vacation as we speak before he starts back on the job hunt. Seems to me they did a pretty crappy thing, but if he's happy then I'm happy for him.

This leads up to the trust issue. For me, there is none at work, because, I too have a new boss. I actually really like her, but she used to work for our Chief Operating Officer, who just happens to be the boss of the new boss that fired my friend. Seems he likes to clean house a little bit. Well, my friend and I have both been there 13 years. . . so this is scary to me. Are they going to wait until the audit is done and fire me? Are they going to rig the audit so I get a bad wrap? Who knows--as you can tell there's no trust. AND, my friend's new boss is also our new VP of Information Technology--as a result, I'm doing very little on the internet at work--not that I abused it by any means before, but I'm only going to places that are for work. NO trust.

Another reason I haven't been posting is we have been Crazy Busy at home--and away I might add. Kory's class reunion was the weekend of the 20th, then we had swimming lessons at night last week, while in the meantime I had to get the camper ready for another camping trip. So. . . .last week was out of the question. We camped this last weekend--very nice weather--so it was worth the work--and being away from the computer, phone and laundry was very very nice. So, this week we have swimming lessons again every night, but Kory gave me the night off. What have I done? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! And it was a nice little luxury for a change. I watched tv and now am on the internet--and in a few short minutes I'm going to bed!!!

In the meantime, I'm hoping for a job change, as I received a phone call today from my new boss--my old boss left me with a big Medicare Cost Report mess--and I'm the only one who knows how to fix it because the gal who was supposed to take over this report from me a year ago never took a class and dumped it on our laps 2 days before it was due because she had to go on vacation. ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME???? My butt would have been busted for that.

Can you tell I need to vent tonight? I know not every job is great, and if I find a new job it could be just as bad. . . I should be thankful I have a job. . . so. . . off I go to work again tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Letters From My Father

Today, Father's Day, Mom came out with a small stack of letters that were given to her by Dad's cousin, John Lawson. Dad wrote these letters after he enlisted with the army during WWII. Most of them were written from Camp Gruber in Oklahoma, but there is one from England and a few from Germany. There is one letter--very worn and torn so you can't read much of it--that has his location crossed out by one of the Army Examiners--pretty interesting. John and Dad were really close--like brothers--and they were both in WWII. Here is an excerpt from one of his letters. . .

June 9, 1945
Auerbach, Germany

Well it looks like maybe I'll be over here a while now, as our division has been picked for the Army of Occupation, they had a pretty big write up in the Stars & Stripes about the division and all it had done, it told about St, Lo and the breakthrough that our division made, and also about the German counter attack at Mortain where our battalion was cut off for six days and it took two regiments to fight their way up that hill and two of us came out alive, I was in two explosions, both of them by a German A.T. mine which hold approximately 11 & a half pounds of T.N.T. I was riding on the hood of the jeep when the first one blew up and about ten feet away when the second one went off. The thing that pissed me off about that deal is that we had sweated out all six days together every time one of us went out we all went out, the Army also lost two of the bravest wireman they ever had too. I guess it sounds like I am bragging or looking for sympathy but I just wanted to get it off my chest & I know that you have seen enough war to understand how I feel, thanks a lot for the warning though just the same-boy those bastards have a hell of a lot of concussion to them, my wound wasn't very bad but the reason I got back so far and stayed as long as I did in the hopsital was because I had what they call shock or technically psychoneurosis I never told Mom that I had that also becuase they would think I might be off my nut, I guess maybe I am a little bit, I damn near cracked up when we were bombed by our own planes thats why I said what I did about them, well I'm glad I got that off my chest to someone who won't think I am blowing.

I will send you a picture of myself, in this letter. It was taken after the war ended over here, noticed the crease in the pants, I am really a sharp character now.


It was so nice on this Father's Day to have a small piece of my dad to think about and learn about. Most of this is stuff I didn't know. It was heart-wrenching and yet wonderful to see his handwriting and know that a part of him lives on.

Happy Father's Day Dad. . . I love you and miss you and think about you every day.

Gone Fishing

I went to the lake to catch a fish

In hopes to reel him in.

I put on my worm and cast it out

Now the waiting will begin.

I felt a tug on my line

So I started to pull him in

A picture was taken of me and my fish

And my face was one big grin.

We went camping last weekend--it was a little cold and kinda rainy, but we still had fun. Here are the girls with their catches--Syd's first fish! Of course she wanted to take it home and keep it. She named it Twinkle. I think she still thinks that Twinkle is living in the bucket we had her in. That's what she told the girl at Build-a-Bear tonight. I'm afraid of what will happen when we take that bucket out and it's empty. Oh well! The Spongebob pole caught most of the fish this weekend.

The Best Day of My Life

I started cleaning my office a little bit today for 2 reasons--1) I will be changing offices soon--actually moving to a different building, and 2) my new boss is meeting with me on Monday for most of the day, so I don't want her to see how messy this can get. Plus, it's good to clean messes once in a while, huh?

Anyway, while cleaning my office, I found this printout that I used to have hanging in my old office--it's from Chicken Soup for the Soul. It's something I need to stick to my mirror and read every day. . .

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever!

There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today;but I did! And because I did I'm going to celebrate!

Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make me stronger.

I will go through this day with my head held high, and a happy heart. I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts; The morning dew, the sun, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the birds. Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.

Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people. I'll make someone smile. I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don't even know. Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for her and how much she means to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and His Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almight for the best day of my life. And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because I know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!

By Gregory M. Lousig-Nont, Ph.D.

Memorial Day

This post is a little late, but here's some pictures from when we visited Grandpa and Grandma Elings gravesite. There's also a picture of Grandpa & Grandma's trailer (it's been re-sided, but it's the same trailer!), and a picture of Bert's (Grandpa's) Barber Shop and the Graves Hotel where Grandma worked as a maid for many many years.

Sydney's Preschool Graduation

Here's a little song from Syd's preschool graduation. Very Cute! She did so well. Didn't cry when she got up there or anything! And that little bitty church was PACKED!!! Of course, I bawled like a baby.

Notes on Being a Mom

My brother sent me this e-mail today. It really made me stop and think. . . I so relate to what she says, even though my babies are still my babies and still need me.

Notes on Motherhood By Anna Quindlen,
Newsweek Columnist and Author

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow, but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, and one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education -- all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages, dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations -- what they taught me, was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old that did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the "Remember-When-Mom-Did" Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language -- mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, "What did you get wrong?" (She insisted I include that here.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top.

And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.